You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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