No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
