Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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