I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
