GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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