So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
