U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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