i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
