Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
