I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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