True but thats because hes a fetus.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
