we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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