I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
