It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize