If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
