Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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