He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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