dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
