did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you had me at cake vodka
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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