Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
