I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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