we're blogging at a bar
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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