I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
