the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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