I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
