I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
