I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize