In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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