My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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