We're like a lot better than the average bears
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
