i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
