how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
