I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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