You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
