Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
