My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
