So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
