just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
