so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
