Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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