just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize