i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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