I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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