I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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