I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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