Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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