Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
