shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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