I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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