party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
