Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
