I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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