we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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