maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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