I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
