I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am available for nakedness
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
