Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
