Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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