Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
