I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
