I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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