I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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