I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
