And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dick very happy bro
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
