oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
