i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
