My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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