I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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