My nipple is on Facebook.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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