Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.