In the future we'll all be gay
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.