I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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