Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
