I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
