I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
