I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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