dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
