The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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