I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
pray to the hookup gods
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
