I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
